I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
