First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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