Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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