it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
