Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
