I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
