I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
