I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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