that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
