I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize