My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
