please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I need moral support for this bender
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
