I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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