Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
