Your mouth is God's brothel.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
