Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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