I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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