when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
