One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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