I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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