Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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