ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
