Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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