how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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