you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
