i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
