lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
