Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
