Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
