He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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