He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Best friends brother. Beat that.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
