I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
