the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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