some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Apparently you make a good broom.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
