I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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