He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
