then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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