I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
