I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
