I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Shame - the story of my life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
