at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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