its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
