I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
