All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
