I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
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Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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