I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
