i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
