im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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