when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
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Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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