I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
