Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
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We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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