I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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