"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
be right there i have to get my cape
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
