So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
