considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
nutella sex= disaster
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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