my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
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You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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