Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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