oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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