mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
