i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
