turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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