Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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