A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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