i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I will be naked everywhere
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I touched a dick in church today
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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