I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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