I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
