News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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