OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
false alarm. still invincible.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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