Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
